Clausology! 2021 with the Boiler Elf

Boiler Elf looks around
Boiler Elf: Ms Writer
Boiler Elf points to the sofa
Ceejay Writer: Mister Boiler! Hello!
Boiler Elf: Did you do your homework from last year?
Ceejay Writer: Erm, we had homework? wracks brain
Boiler Elf: But Ms Writer sits on the sofa with me because she forgot her homework
Ceejay Writer: Ooooooh. Well, okay, hope you’ve bathed.
Boiler Elf: Is there anyone here from the Basque culture?
Boiler Elf: If there is, I’ll need you for my Culture Checker
Boiler Elf: Ah, there he is. More food, I hope
Boiler Elf: We’re going to need a lot of it
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach: Look at all these good folk, eager for the Boiler Elf’s wisdom.
Boiler Elf: Hope I brought enough beer
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach: I have food, but these folk will have to eat what is here to make room for it.
Boiler Elf: are you comfortable, Writer?
Ceejay Writer: Yes, I avoided sitting on the cat.
Boiler Elf: Mornington!
Vic Mornington: O.O runs off
Boiler Elf: Oh, the list of your sins in my book this year!
Ceejay Writer points at Victor and laughs.
Boiler Elf snaps his head around to look at Writer
Ceejay Writer: meep!
Boiler Elf: Right, so while the Baron is setting the table
Boiler Elf: Let’s get started
Boiler Elf: Let’s hear your greetings!
Boiler Elf: MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Boiler Elf puts his hand to his ear
Ceejay Writer: MELE KALIKIMAKA!
Vic Mornington: 😀 MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Jimmy Branagh applauds and whoops
Boiler Elf stares at Writer again
Vic Mornington: Nollaig Shona! (thats scots Gaelic)
Ceejay Writer stares back. “What NOW?”
Jimmy Branagh: MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Boiler Elf: Only Christians and twee music fans this year?
Boiler Elf: Come come now, with sincerity!
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach: Craciun fericit.
Boiler Elf: Yes!
Nyx Malaspinar: buon natale a tutti
Sophie: Happy Hanukhah 🙂
Boiler Elf: FAHOO FOREY
Boiler Elf: that’s the spirit
Jane Anne: Merry Virtual Christmas all
Boiler Elf: False sincerity is better than no sincerity at all, and this has been a hella rough year
Boiler Elf: Welcome, welcome
Katie: Happy Wootmas!
Boiler Elf: Fahoo ramooz
Ceejay Writer: Oh, in that case A JOYOUSE AND MERRY MET FELICITATIONS AND A YEW TREE IN HER LIVING ROOM HEY NONNY NONNY
Boiler Elf: welcome welcome
Vic Mornington: Happy Saturnalia!
Boiler Elf: dahoo damooz
Sophie: can we get a ‘lost tape’ for this year? I’d like to erase it myself
Emilly Shatner-Orr: Oh, a very happy Wootmas!
Nyx Malaspinar: Blessed Yule
Boiler Elf touchs his nose and points at Sophie
Katie: Yay!
Stereo Nacht: Happy wootmas indeed!
Boiler Elf: Let’s start with some news
Ceejay Writer: Wootmas!
Boiler Elf: the folklore character in the news this year is
Boiler Elf: the Krampus!
Jane Anne: may your pixels and voxels be merry and gay 🙂
Boiler Elf: Somehow, Krampus is causing all kinds of grief in the Call of Duty online game system.
Boiler Elf: and the players are all grousing because, as he should be,
Boiler Elf: he is Wicked Hard To Kill
Boiler Elf: also, if you’re an American, you know about those kitschy faux-bavarian towns scattered about the country?
Boiler Elf: they are very popular around the holidays for kitschy shopping and preztels
Boiler Elf: well
Boiler Elf: in Leavenworth, Washington, which is one of those towns
Boiler Elf: the Knights of Columbus are all up in arms
Boiler Elf: because the town invited a krampus club from Seattle to have a pub crawl to open the season
Boiler Elf gasps
Boiler Elf: so pagan!
Boiler Elf: but if you look up the article, you’ll see a video of little kids dancing with the monsters
Boiler Elf: well, it gave me a laugh
Boiler Elf: here’s a link to the article
Boiler Elf: https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/the-war-on-christmas-rebranding-even-krampus-stirs-up-leavenworth/
Boiler Elf: Let’s recap last year
Boiler Elf: since most of you were at the Rosehaven ball
Boiler Elf: We started the salon with an experiment
Boiler Elf: Kevin, my assistant in the real world
Boiler Elf: drank a whole glass of unpastuerized home made egg nog which had been sitting on the shelf for an entire year. unrefridgerated
Boiler Elf: and I was still on my feet by the end of the hour
Boiler Elf: Did anyone try the homemade egg nog? I’d like to know how it turned out.
Boiler Elf: I’ve got a couple recipes if you want to try it, ask me after the hour
Boiler Elf: The man topic was on the 12 days of christmas, in particular , the element of feasting
Boiler Elf: Now we all know Ms Writer here is a foodie
Boiler Elf: so
Boiler Elf: I gave her some homework
Ceejay Writer: And I totally forgot about it. hangs head
Boiler Elf: IN the process, we had a surprise Odin sighting, something I have been trying to get since the beginning of this series of talks
Boiler Elf glares
Boiler Elf: NAUGHTY!!!
Ceejay Writer tries to look stoic
Boiler Elf: What we found, was a guy on a white horse, in a red cloak, followed by a bunch of strange small people singing his praises
Boiler Elf: Sinterklaas, who appears on Dec 6
Boiler Elf: and St Martin of tours, who appears on nov. 11th
Boiler Elf: both are gift givers
Boiler Elf: oh, wait
Boiler Elf: we can’t show zwarte piet anymore. we’ll loose our funding.
Boiler Elf: he was retured last year by the dutch governemnt
Boiler Elf: there we go
Boiler Elf: Sinterklass and his entourage of Sooty Petes
Boiler Elf: Now what’s interesting here
Boiler Elf: is November 11th
Boiler Elf: Martinmas
Boiler Elf: Martinmas is also known as “Old Halloween”
Boiler Elf: and it is the traditional day to slaughter the food animals
Boiler Elf: and feast on a large bird
Boiler Elf: the large bird feast in November sounds familiar, yes?
Boiler Elf: but
Boiler Elf: No one knows why we slaughter the animals on Nov. 11th
Boiler Elf: I’d give that a high probablilty of a pagan hold over
Boiler Elf: The dates get murky with the calendar shifts, of course
Boiler Elf: so my homework question for our resident foodie here was
Boiler Elf: How do you slaughter the food animals on nove. 11th, then go on a pesca-vegan fast until Dec. 24th???
Boiler Elf: how does that work?
Boiler Elf: and does it have anything to do with making sausages?
Boiler Elf: anyone?
Stereo Nacht: (Curing.)
Katie: you use the time in between to smoke or otherwise preserve the meat for the winter
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach: The meat has to age, for one.
Nyx Malaspinar: hang it up and salt it
Stereo Nacht: Salting. drying, smoking the meat so it can conserve takes time.
Boiler Elf: if anyone is working on a foodie graduate degree, that might be a good thesis for research, because I want to know.
Ceejay Writer: Ah, NOW I remember that question. Gotta be in the preserving and aging processes.
Ceejay Writer: Can’t be canning, that wasn’t invented yet.
Boiler Elf: oh, NOW she remembers
Sophie: the beer from the last harvest isn’t done yet… cured meat and mead take time to process.
Ceejay Writer sticks out tongue.
Boiler Elf: and you fed the murderpuppy all the sausages, I suppose?
Sophie: hence: the new year’s feasting
Nyx Malaspinar: climates also affect such things…
Boiler Elf: hmpf
Emilly Shatner-Orr: So it has to come down to the time it takes to salt-cure, hang-age, solid–freeze (outdoors) or smoke. With people slicing off bits to toss in warming stews or what-not.
Nyx Malaspinar: that damn kid begging
Boiler Elf: Anyone?
Boiler Elf: we;re moving on now
Boiler Elf: Speaking of feasting
Boiler Elf: Have you ever heard of Olentzero?
Boiler Elf: No one loves a feast more than him.
Boiler Elf: Olentzero?
Ceejay Writer: Meat could go in crockery and covered in oil that hardens, get salted, smoked, maybe it’s all done in time for some resting and relaxing and celebrating at New Years
Ceejay Writer: MAYBE I wrote all that down last year and just found the scrap of paper
Boiler Elf: hmmm
Boiler Elf: MAYBE?
Boiler Elf gives sideeye
Ceejay Writer: Definitely!
Ceejay Writer: Yep, that’s what happened
Boiler Elf: Onward to Olentzero?
Ceejay Writer: Is that a type of margarine?
Stereo Nacht: Zero oil? o.O
Majak: lol
Boiler Elf: What is wrong with you, Writer???
Ceejay Writer: I hung out with Bob too much in my formative years.
Boiler Elf: Everything that has a name exists, if we believe it exists.
Nyx Malaspinar: am I off the mark you gather ingredients for a feast….isn’t that part of Olentzero?
Boiler Elf: even Oleo
Boiler Elf: So.
Boiler Elf: Olentzero is a giant
Boiler Elf: He lives in Basque Country, which includes the north Pyranees, between Spain and France.
Boiler Elf: Now the Basque are something of a conundrum, as it their language not related to any other.
Boiler Elf: How is the spread coming, Baron?
Boiler Elf: Giants have appetites like you would not believe
Boiler Elf: There’s two schools of thought on where the Basque come from
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach: The table is nearly full, Herr Elf.
Boiler Elf: 2 major schools, i should say
Boiler Elf: First, that they are truly indigenous to the region.
Boiler Elf: Or Second, that they migrated in with the modern west European genetic groups, but practiced a closed trade,
Boiler Elf: and kept their language pure to protect their livelihoods.
Sophie: I’d like to do a DNA study and see if they are the last remnants of the Neantherdals
Boiler Elf nods
Boiler Elf: Look it up on the ‘Net some night when you can’t sleep, it’s quite the rabbit hole.
Boiler Elf: But I digress—
Boiler Elf: The Basque folk, in their mythology, have a memory of jentil (plural jentilak),
Boiler Elf: a race of giants who lived along side them in pre-christian times.
Boiler Elf: (Side note: Latin gentilis was used to refer to pre-Christian civilizations and in particular to the builders of megalithic monuments)
Boiler Elf: The giants were hairy and so tall that they could walk in the sea and throw rocks from one mountain to another.
Boiler Elf: The giants were believed to have created neolithic monuments, such as dolmens, found around the region
Boiler Elf: He appears, often drunk, in traditional Basque farmer clothing:
Boiler Elf: dark pants tucked into socks below the knees; “abarkak” or leather, rope tied shoes; a dark overshirt sometimes with a coat of natural wool; a black beret, staff and a smoking pipe.
Boiler Elf: There’s an effigy of him pictured on the wall
Boiler Elf: He is paraded through the streets, choral groups accompanying him comprised mostly of youthful choristers, dressed in similar costume and bundled up for protection from the chilling wintry winds.
Boiler Elf: Huh. another guy with a retinue of small strange people singing praises. that must be a Thing
Boiler Elf: He has a companion,
Boiler Elf: Mari Domingi
Boiler Elf: She is not his wife, but they are good friends.
Nyx Malaspinar: (rowdy throngs of merrymakers…reminds me of Dionysos/Bacchus)
Boiler Elf: Mari Domingo is associated with the winter solstice.
Boiler Elf: And check out that hat
Boiler Elf: She is a shepherdess, and knows all the land and its
Boiler Elf: secrets, when to plant, and the use of medicinal plants.
Boiler Elf: In other words, a traditional wise woman.
Boiler Elf: So, this sounds like like a very ancient character, yes?
Boiler Elf: Would anyone like to guess when she first appeared?
Boiler Elf waits for it
Nyx Malaspinar: 5000 BC?
Nyx Malaspinar: it’s a stab
Ceejay Writer: 12 BC!
Wildstar Beaumont: 1930s ?
Nyx Malaspinar: holds up a neolithic statue
Boiler Elf: Remember what I told you about Santa Lucia in Sweden?
Boiler Elf puts a finger on his nose and points at Wildstar
Boiler Elf: Mari Domingi first appeared In 1994.
Stereo Nacht: Smurf hat! 😉
Boiler Elf: The name comes from a character in a folk song from the early 20th century, which goes like this:

“Here is Mari Domingi, look at that,
who wants to come with us to Bethlehem,
if you want us to go to Bethlehem,
you have to take off that old skirt.

Come on come on I was looking for you
Come on, come on, I was looking for you.
Come on, let’s worship the one who was born in Bethlehem
that beautiful child, that beautiful child.”

Boiler Elf: She really did sound old, didn’t she?
Boiler Elf: Does this remind us of anyone else?
Boiler Elf: Maybe La Befana, the witch who was too busy cleaning her house to go with the Magi to see the child?
Boiler Elf: But here, she’s being shamed into not going
Boiler Elf: Huh
Boiler Elf: To recap: St. Lucia of Sweden went viral after a local pageant was broadcast on the radio in the 1920s
Boiler Elf: That’s why I love Christmas characters so much. They sound ancient, but if you scratch the surface, we can document their time lines
Boiler Elf: And that gives us insight to how the stories of ancient mythology changed and adapted as they migrated into new cultures.
Boiler Elf: Well then. Moving on…
Boiler Elf: Olentzero is legit much older.
Boiler Elf: I think we may have found something bona fide pre-christian in this one
Emilly Shatner-Orr: Though I still love the theory that Sinterklass, traced back far enough, leads to Sami shamans who wore red cloaks
Boiler Elf: Like so many giants, Olentzero is tall and thick with a huge appetite. On his Christmas Eve trek around Basque country, up and down the mountains and across the valleys between, his hunger grows and grows.
Boiler Elf: Fortunately, the villages expect him and his appetite, and we always prepare him a snack.
Boiler Elf: How’s the table coming Baron?
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach: Some of everything, sir.
Boiler Elf: Excellent
Boiler Elf: Olentzero’s appetite is legendary. Listen to some eye witness accounts—
Boiler Elf: “I’ll never forget the year I saw him eat three foot-long chorizo sausages on three loaves of bread with three dozen fried eggs, washed down with a gallon jug of cider in a snap of finger-thumb or less. My friend Oihana in the next village over says she saw him gulp down two roast chickens, bones and all, two bottles of txacoli wine and a huge skillet of rice. Just wait and see, watching him eat is almost as amazing as watching him chop firewood, or make toys but you can’t turn away for even a moment, because centuries of practice makes more than perfection, it makes speed.”
Boiler Elf: and
Boiler Elf: “Here he is. See the tall man with the white beard and the worn out beret, angled to one side? See the big red sack slung on his back? Look, he’s set it down. Take him this egg sandwich. I made the potato omelet myself. 12 eggs, six big potatoes and one yellow onion in it: stuffed into a big round loaf of bread. Run along now. I promise he won’t bite. Don’t forget your smile and your please and thank you, giants appreciate manners too.”
Boiler Elf: Goodness
Boiler Elf: fee fi fo fum even!
Boiler Elf: Like a good many things Basque, we do not have certitude as to the exact origins of this winter personage.
Boiler Elf: His story goes like this:
Boiler Elf: As a new born he was abandoned in the woods and was found by a fairy who gave him the name Olentzero.
Boiler Elf: The fairy bestowed gifts of strength and kindness on him and handed him to an older childless couple living alone in the woods.
Boiler Elf: He turned into a strong man and charcoal burner who was also good with his hands,
carving wooden toys that he would carry in a big charcoal bag to give to the children of the village.
Boiler Elf: It is said that he died one day saving children from a burning house.
Boiler Elf: When he died, the fairy who had found him granted him eternal life to continue to bring joy to children and people.
Boiler Elf squints at the story
Boiler Elf: you know
Boiler Elf: this isn’t sitting quite right for me
Boiler Elf: is it for you?
Boiler Elf: I mean, where’s the terror?
Stereo Nacht: Does it need terror?
Boiler Elf: It sounds like a mid-century santization to me.
Boiler Elf stares at Sterio
Boiler Elf: Christmas. Horror. Is. Best. Horror.
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach checks the pot of soups for horror
Boiler Elf: Those of you who had the misfortune to be born in the mid 1960s may have bitter conficted memories of the joyless pablum that was children’s entertainment.
Emilly Shatner-Orr: Wasn’t there something about child terrifying in Olentzero’s legend?
Boiler Elf: Especially when you knew quite well that there used to me much cooler stuff available because you had access to your gram’s book or pre-code movies.
Boiler Elf: That might be why you like Star Wars so much, yes?
Boiler Elf: But I digress.
Sophie: gingerbread. children.
Boiler Elf: Over the centuries the “story” of Olentzero has been adapted.
Boiler Elf: and that indeed is the mid-century version of Olentzero’s story
Boiler Elf: That version of the story was written in 1952 in Francoist Spain by a group dedicated to reviving Basque culture.
Boiler Elf: Francisco Franco, the Spanish dictator, some of you might remember,
Boiler Elf: Who did not die for a very long time
Boiler Elf: (Even SNL made jokes about it on Weekend Update)
Boiler Elf: Had been waging a campaign to eliminate the Basque language and culture.
Katie: And he’s still dead
Boiler Elf: Indeed!
Boiler Elf: During the 1970s, Olentzero became a gift-giver,
Boiler Elf: in attempts to find an alternative to the Spanish tradition of the Magi. and the French Pére Noël.
Emilly Shatner-Orr: The fight lives on, though, sadly
Ceejay Writer: Last I heard he was valiantly holding on to death
Boiler Elf: The more gruesome elements were removed to make Olentzero more suitable for young children
Boiler Elf: and to remove elements which were deemed too pagan.
Boiler Elf: So let’s go back in time some more
Boiler Elf: and see what those “gruesome” elements were
Boiler Elf: There are a lot of winter solstice vibes going on in the tradition, particularly those of last meals and human sacrifice.
Boiler Elf: Older variations of Olentzero’s legend warn
Boiler Elf: that children had to come home early, or Olentzero would catch them in the street with his sickle.
Boiler Elf: Or that Olentzero would come to cut their throats of children who did not go to bed on time.
Boiler Elf: Or that Olentzero with the red eyes has come to the chimney, if we break the fast, he will cut our throats,
Boiler Elf: (Referring to the Advent fasting periods before Christmas)
Emilly Shatner-Orr: Ah, there’s the child threatening
Boiler Elf: And his effigy was hung from the church tower after midnight mass on Christmas Eve to scare children into behaving
Katie: i’m sensing a theme here
Boiler Elf: Can’t have Christmas without scared children
Boiler Elf: nope nope
Boiler Elf checks the time
Boiler Elf: may I go over?
Jimmy Branagh: Sure
Boiler Elf: If we go back to the 16th century
That’s when a man named Lope de Isasi wrote down the first account of Olentzero.
Boiler Elf: Di Isasi’s version tells of a time thousands of years ago when there was a tribe of jentilak and Olentzero was one of them.
Boiler Elf: jentilak being the giants
Boiler Elf: They lived in the forests of the Pyrenees in Nafarroa, in the area of the village of Lesaka.
Boiler Elf: And the story went like this—
Boiler Elf: One day the people of this tribe discovered a glowing cloud in the sky.
Boiler Elf: They feared that this celestial phenomenon was the divine sign of the arrival of the imminent birth of Jesus.
Boiler Elf: None of them could look at this bright cloud except for a very old, nearly blind man.
Boiler Elf: They held him up to take a look.
Boiler Elf: He turned pale and confirmed their wildest fear:
Boiler Elf: “Yes, this is the sign, Jesus will be born soon”.
Boiler Elf: They feared that vast changes would come with the arrival of Jesus and the demise of their way of life.
Boiler Elf: oh dear
Boiler Elf: After foreseeing this terrible news, the old man only saw a solution in terminating his life.
Boiler Elf: !!!
Emilly Shatner-Orr: Well, they weren’t necessarily wrong…
Boiler Elf: So
Boiler Elf: So he asked his giant friends to throw him off the highest cliff.
Boiler Elf: Which they did
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach thoughtfully slides a chorizo dish onto the table
Ceejay Writer: He coulda jumped if he was so intent on it
Boiler Elf: But on the way back down the mountain,
Ceejay Writer: But noooo, the holidays are a time to put guilt on friends and family.
Boiler Elf: well, he couldn’t see well and didn’t want to mess it up
Boiler Elf: But on the way back down the mountain,
the group of giants tripped head over heels and fell to their death.
Boiler Elf: All, except one. And that was Olentzero.
Emilly Shatner-Orr: The Irony
Boiler Elf: Olentzero hiked to the villages in the valley, and
Ceejay Writer: So that went well, getting others who could see better to help.
Boiler Elf: with his sickle brutally cut the throat of those people who ate too much on the day before the arrival of Christ,
Boiler Elf: i.e. on the 24th of December.
Boiler Elf: Thought why they would have known to fast, I can’t suss either
Boiler Elf gazes at the ceiling
Boiler Elf: Which, all in all, is a very strange tale.
Boiler Elf: Giants, of course, are not the fasting type.
Boiler Elf: Olentzero was a thick glutton who could eat huge quantities of meat
Boiler Elf: which he washed down with strong liquor
Boiler Elf: No surprise that he was frequently drunk and irritable
Boiler Elf: Heaven save the soul who disturbs a hung-over giant, yes?
Ceejay Writer: This all parallels family holiday dinners for some of us.
Boiler Elf: This might be one of the strangest of the folklore character stories I have come across.
Boiler Elf: The giants, from neolithic times
Boiler Elf: juxtaposed with the advent fast
Boiler Elf: what???
Boiler Elf: how????
Jimmy Branagh: Me too. Have never heard of this before
Boiler Elf: and he will gut you with a sickle if you are found not fasting
Boiler Elf: there’s a lot to unpack in this one
Boiler Elf: and i’ll let you do that for yourselves
Sophie: don’t eat before the meal is ready?
Boiler Elf: as i’m not here to tell you what to think
Emilly Shatner-Orr: So…distant ancestral memory of ‘giants’ coming from the mountains, and people had to fast because they knew all their food would go to feed them?
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach finds some strong Transylvanian spirits in storage.
Boiler Elf: only spread my ridiculous conjectures and let you form your own folklore conspiracies to tell around the holiday hearth
Boiler Elf: So if you know what’s good for you, leave a large plate of leftovers out for Olentzero, so he does not tear the roof off your house trying to get to all the delicious food you made.
Ceejay Writer: I can’t get behind any tradition that has fasting, it’s so counterproductive to life.
Majak: i agree
Katie: because somebody has anger issues and a big knife
Emilly Shatner-Orr: A cautionary tale
Sophie: and winter solstice must be added in somewhere to the tale?
Boiler Elf: Kevin has been going 20-4 since thanksgiving and his pain levels are down by at least a half. he’s even walking without a limp
Stereo Nacht: Well, eating too much is bad too. So just enjoy good things once in a while! 😉
Nyx Malaspinar: XD
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach: Good to hear, Herr Elf.
Sophie: yes 🙂
Stereo Nacht: Good for your assistant, Mr. Elf!
Boiler Elf: could be that you eat better food when it has to count too. maybe?
Boiler Elf: at any rate,
Boiler Elf: that is my presentation for this year, i hope it sparked your interest
Boiler Elf: and for the writers here, even seeded some prompts
Boiler Elf: OH!
Boiler Elf: that reminds me
Boiler Elf: Speaking of christmas monsters
Boiler Elf: Who watches Love Death + Robots?
Boiler Elf: season 2 has a delightful new monster to add to the pantheon
Boiler Elf: and, if you have seen it
Boiler Elf: here’s a fun fact about that episode
Boiler Elf: that story was first read on Radio Riel
Boiler Elf: in 2016
Boiler Elf: at the Brunel Hall Christmas eve party
Vic Mornington: 😀
Boiler Elf grins
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach: And who might the writer be?
Boiler Elf: Joachim Heinderman, tho that may be spelled wrong
Boiler Elf: it was read by Mr Underby, and Mr Tenk did the monster voice
Boiler Elf: Mr Tenk bought it out of his slush pile, and the story never would have been spotted if not for that.
Boiler Elf: tho how it was found, who knows
Boiler Elf: Any last questions for me, as I have many things to do before the big sleigh ride
Ceejay Writer: I HAVE A QUESTION?
Boiler Elf: DO YOU NOW???
Vic Mornington: LOL
Boiler Elf sideeyes Writer
Boiler Elf: Well? what is it?
Ceejay Writer: YES! Is there a homework assignment?
Boiler Elf: Egg nog
Ceejay Writer: sighs AGAIN. OKAY.
Boiler Elf: Research a possibly toxic food tradtion and let me know how it goes next year. And you have to eat it too.
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach: ‘Possibly toxic’?
Ceejay Writer: You hate me. 😦
Boiler Elf: I hate everyone. You think my people like being enslaved for your annual glee?
Boiler Elf: Lutefisk.. there has to be a way for that to go not right, yes?
Emilly Shatner-Orr: Many
Majak: its not right from the beginning
Owlie Bonesworth: Is that like eating the puffer fish? and not dying?
Ceejay Writer: But sure, where’s my grammas recipe box…
Vic Mornington: 2 cartons of eggnog (or two pints of home made), half a bottle of baileys irish cream, quarter bottle of Madeira Wine, quarter bottle of Tia Maria, half bottle of Warnick Advocaat…guarunteed to knock you out after the 4th glass
Emilly Shatner-Orr: There are those who wouldn’t make it to the fourth glass.
Boiler Elf: How long is it aged?
Boiler Elf: I think 4 weeks is about the write cure time for egg nog to change to the best flavor. the year old stuff wasn’t that great
Vic Mornington: i got that recipe from one of the triplet when they was taking me out avatar shopping
Boiler Elf: Here’s the aged nog recipe (text flood to follow)

Dad’s Egg Nog (NPR)

Base Mixture:
6 large eggs
3/4 cup bourbon
1/3 cup rum (dark is best)
1/2 cup granulated sugar
With an electric mixer, beat eggs until well mixed.

Combine bourbon and rum, and add very gradually to the egg mixture; this should take about 15 minutes. If the booze is added too quickly, it will curdle the eggs by causing the proteins to denature, so take it slow.

Beat in the sugar — about 5 minutes — and store in a glass or ceramic jar or jug in a cool, dark place, but not a refrigerator. Of course you can drink the same day, but our family recipe calls for a month of mellowing. The container should be covered loosely, but you want some air to get in.

Finished Mixture:
1 cup whipping cream
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 cup sugar
Whip the cream until almost stiff. Whip in vanilla and sugar.
Stir the base mixture and thoroughly mix into cream.
This nog will be very thick and you may wish to thin it somewhat with milk.
Serve in punch cups with a sprinkling of finely grated nutmeg.

Vic Mornington: ohhhhhhhh traditional, bourbon and rum
Boiler Elf: I survived it
Majak: lots of rum
Ceejay Writer scribbles furiously
Boiler Elf: It seems to be an american tradition, as the ingredients would only have been affordable to the rich in England
Vic Mornington: yeah eggnog aint as popular in the UK these days
Boiler Elf: in the colonies, sugar and rum were cheap, from the triangle trade, and eggs were everywhere as everyone was homesteading
Boiler Elf: here’s the other recipe i found
Boiler Elf: also colonial:

George Washington’s Egg Nog

One quart cream
one quart milk
one dozen tablespoons sugar
one pint brandy,
/2 pint rye whiskey
1/2 pint Jamaica rum
1/4 pint sherry.

mix liquor first, then separate yolks and whites of eggs, add sugar to beaten yolks, mix well.
Add milk and cream, slowly beating.
Beat whites of eggs until stiff and fold slowly into mixture.
Let set in cool place for several days.
Taste frequently

Vic Mornington: personally i love it, i usually pour half a bottle of bells whiskey in it to give it more of a kick lol
Emilly Shatner-Orr: Somewhere I have a recipe for a milk liqueur, which is essentially raw milk and a vanilla bean in a sealed cask for five years, so….it’s possible…but the concept of ‘aged eggs’ is worrisome
Majak: that sounds lovely
Boiler Elf: I’m going to grab the transcript and get back to work
Boiler Elf: You’ll never drink store bought again
Boiler Elf: Thanks for believing in me
Jimmy Branagh: Thanks again Mr Boiler! Great talk!
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach: Vielen dank, Herr Boiler Elf, and I hope we see you next year again.
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach: Anyone wish to take home some of the feast for your supper, do feel free.
Owlie Bonesworth: I think I learned to not feast and to fast instead!
Emilly Shatner-Orr grabs a slice of fruitcake on the way out
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach looks at the table, sighs, and leaves it for the urchins to discover.